On transitioning and transcending

My transition from 2018 to 2019 is happening at an airport. Anyone who knows me knows how much I dread airports. I hate the way they feel, the fake light, the way people behave in them and, most of all, the amount of time you spend just standing in line and waiting. They are uncomfortable little bits of hell! My mother on the other hand finds them soothing. She thinks of them as a place of transition. And this is the position that I find myself in today: sitting at an airport transitioning. Transitioning from spending precious family time, to going back to my independent existence which happens over an ocean, in another language and in a whole other more painful weather.

This end of the year hasn’t really felt like one but I’m pretty glad 2018 is finally over and am having hopeful thoughts about what twists and turns 2019 may bring. 2019 will also be the year where I transition from my twenties to my thirties. So, as I sit here waiting after 6 (excessive) passport and bag checks, there happen to be several thoughts dancing in my head, most of them combining a series of ideas I have had lately and that concern the overall and vast topic of impact.

Lately I have found myself challenged by the different versions of myself that I have come to be throughout the years… my over-committing high school self, my over-achieving university self, my permanent existential self. Which one do I want to be? Which one makes more sense? Is there a way that I can make these different versions of myself into a more interesting, useful and fulfilled version of my current self? As I transition and as my plane prepares to take off, I wonder: how can I manage to connect my own dots and pull my existence together?

To be continued…

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